One Dad's Guide to Being a Rock (and Rolling with the Punches)
Hey there, fellow dads and husbands. Today, I want to share a journey that many of us hope never to embark on but might face ourselves: being a great husband and father while your wife undergoes cancer treatments. It’s not always easy, but then, important things often aren’t. I’ve been down this road 5 times with my awesome wife – that’s one more than the number of Chiefs’ Super Bowl appearances over the last 5 years, for those playing at home. So, I’d like to share some thoughts.
Life with young kids and teenagers is already chaotic. Add cancer treatments into the mix, and the balance can get a little out of whack. Not every day is a fun one – sometimes, the kids are fighting, the house is a mess, and your wife’s having a tough day. In those moments, take a deep breath, and remember to laugh amidst the chaos. Humor is a powerful tool that can lighten things up (a laser is also a powerful tool that can lighten things up, but is not particularly helpful for this situation. It may be helpful for removing hair in those hard-to-reach places, though).
One of the most important things you can do is to be present. And I don't just mean physically. Put down your phone, close your laptop, and engage with your family. Your kids need to know that even though things are tough, their dad is right there with them.
Being present also means listening. Your wife may not always want to talk about her treatments, and that’s okay. Sometimes, she just needs you to sit with her and watch a movie or hold her hand. Your kids might not express their fears directly, but being there to listen when they do open up is crucial. And while you’re spending that extra time with them, you just might learn about other important things in their lives – like a potential significant other that you can object to.
Some dads aren’t great at accepting help – but this is not the time to be stoic. Just do it - accept help. There’s a reason Batman had Robin (and it wasn’t just to make him look taller). There’s also a reason he had a grappling hook which, while awesome, is unrelated to the concept of accepting help. Let others pitch in with meals, laundry, pet care, carpooling, or even just lending an ear. And don’t forget to take care of yourself – you can’t pour from an empty cup, and by finding moments to recharge through hobbies, exercise, etc., you’ll be better equipped to support your wife and kids.
Kids thrive on routine, and during a time when so much is uncertain, maintaining a sense of normalcy can be very comforting. Keep up with family dinners, movie nights, and weekend outings as much as possible – it helps to provide stability and reassurance that despite the challenges, life continues. It also gives everyone something to look forward to.
Speaking of something to look forward to – it’s Father’s Day. Enjoy it!
- Dave Benditt, husband of Liz Benditt (Balm Box President & CEO)
Note: I own that t-shirt - you can find it here, along with tons of awesome dad-wear! (photo credit: Famous in Real Life)
